I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
