And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
