Buhtt sex?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize