i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
