my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
