im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
