eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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