Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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