you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
