Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
