I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I touched a dick in church today
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
