Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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