you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
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I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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