hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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