my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize