I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
