Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i've created a new STD.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
