You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
