we have pet lesbian snakes
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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