how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
