Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
