every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
