I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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