Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
