I think I won the penis lottery.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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