Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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