The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize