If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
