and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
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he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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