The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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