Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
