What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize