Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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