That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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