You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
