All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
