Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
