OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
that may or may not have been my penis.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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