this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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