Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
