Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
