I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
