I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize