Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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