I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
