Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
