beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
