She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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