she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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