I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
