I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
