Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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