Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
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he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.