I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
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Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar