I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
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I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?