I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
