Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
