I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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