I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
