either way he was missing a nipple.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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