I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
