so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
