I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
party gras won. party gras always wins.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Drunk is not a location!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
