i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
