GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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