why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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