I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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